This child has had 100% of my attention 24/7 for an entire year. He is hooked to my hip, my buddy, my pal. Even though I'd give anything for him to sleep well, I miss him when he sleeps. I love him so much. I'm afraid that as he grows more independent, my love will somehow change. I don't want that. I wish I could put this love in a jar and save it forever. But, then, if I had jarred my love for him last year when he was born, I would never have known what it felt like to love him as much as I do today.
My mom is famous for saying that love doesn't divide --- it multiplies. No matter how many children I have, I'll always have enough love to love them more each year. And so it goes on for infinity.
I've been taught all my life that the most important work I can do is within the walls of my home. I've been taught that motherhood is divine. The last year of motherhood has not necessarily felt important or divine. It has mostly felt hard. But, I believe what I've been taught is true, and I'm on a quest to KNOW it for myself. I'm starting an Instagram journal where every Monday I'll post something that helps me understand the greatness of my role as mother. I'll call it #motherhoodmonday. I hope to keep it up for a year, and print a chatbook at the end of the year complete with all I've learned. I hope in a year I'll understand a little better, and I have a feeling the learning won't stop there.
I love my mother, I love my mother-in-law, and my sisters who are my second third and fourth mothers. My friend said the other day that we are all growing to be mothers. These women in my life are redwood trees and have helped me become the little sproutling that I am. Thank you for watering me and helping me to grow. Here's to motherhood!