Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Best Things in Life are Hard

My friend and neighbor and mother of 4 boys asked me the other day if motherhood was harder or easier than I expected.  Of course I said it's a piece of cake. Or maybe I actually said something like it's a little harder...ok, I said a lot harder.

I was prepared for the sacrifice I would make leaving my job and the comforts of working life, but I wasn't prepared for all the other sacrifices. It's super hard some days to shower, take bathroom breaks, eat. I can barely scratch out the very basic necessities of life. So that was all sort of unexpected. 

I'm trying to change my perspective of what it means to be productive. In my working world, productive meant always having something to do and crossing off everything on my to do list. It meant being fast and efficient.

 In my mom life, I might only be able to do dishes and make dinner and at the end of the day, I don't feel very productive. But I also fed my baby 5 times, changed his diaper 12 times, cleaned up poop 4 times, sang him to sleep twice, read him 2 books, went on 3 walks, and supervised tummy time. That's a lot of stuff I haven't been including in my productivity overview.

So that's my goal: pick a new definition of productivity that includes all that mom stuff.  After all, it is my new job.

Then there's all the stuff I have to worry about. I knew I would worry, but I didn't know exactly how much there would be to worry about. Worry: my worst enemy. It's such a waste of time. 

Is he eating enough, spitting up too much, growing and developing on schedule, am I scarring him for life because I rock him to sleep, does he sleep to much, is he pooping enough, getting enough alone time play time? The list goes on. I think those are all normal mom concerns, and I just need to store them in the back of my mind and not let them take over the front and sides and every crack in between.

What it comes down to is that this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. No one gave me instructions. Redd didn't come with a rule book or how-to manual. I've learned that it's a great chance for a clueless mom and dad to learn how to rely on the Spirit and strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I know that my redeemer lives.
What comfort this sweet sentence gives.
He lives. He lives who once was dead,
He lives , my ever living head. 
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives my hungry soul to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need.
("I Know that my Redeemer Lives" HYMNS  136)

How grateful I am in this hardest time of my life to know I have a loving Savior who is here to quiet my fears, wipe away my tears, feed my hungry soul, and bless me in my time of need. I have been counseled that having children would bring me closer to The Lord than anything else, and I'm beginning to understand why.

Read more about what I believe about Jesus Christ here

He's pretty much perfect. 

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