A Thought from the Past

Sometimes while I'm at work I'll write myself a quick e-mail about something I heard, saw, or was thinking about. I keep it in my Inbox in a folder called Journal. The idea is to eventually print them out and bind them. I was thinking it might be a good idea to go through some of them and post them occasionally on my blog. I usually have certain things I'll blog about and then certain things I journal about. But I was thinking today that a lot of what I write in my journal is appropriate to be shared on the blog, and could give it a little more sustenance. 

So I'll go back in time here and there to share with you some of the little things that affect me in a big way. Here's the first one.

March 3, 2011

S. Michael Wilcox came into the office today. (He's a famous Education Week speaker/ LDS Speaker and author. He wrote one of my favorite books: here). He needed to pick up an Education Week broadcast we taped of him several years ago. He began telling us a little about his wife Laurie’s passing. She just died on December 28, 2010- brain cancer. He said grieving does funny things to you, it makes you question what you’ve always known—is she really somewhere good and safe, or is she lost in the abyss of nothingness?

And if she is somewhere, does she love me?

He said he was going through all their stuff and came across several treasures. He found an Ensign article he kept from years ago because it was beautifully written. It talked about a woman whose son died and she always wished she just had a letter from him. Brother Wilcox said he wanted that same thing. As he was going through boxes in their home, he came across 8 letters his wife had written him when they were engaged. He has been reading one a night and he’ll start over again when he’s done.

It just brought me to tears to hear him talk about how worried he is that she doesn’t love him anymore. He says he’s keeping busy so he can keep his mind off everything. It was so emotional for me. You can tell he’s struggling but doing his best to remain faithful.

It’s comforting that even a spiritual giant like him struggles with his faith during difficult trials. I guess it’s okay to struggle to hold on, as long as we don’t let go.